


darling don't be afraid

by kcc



Series: cuddleverse [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hospitals, M/M, Mentions of Canon, Sharing a Bed, Sort Of, Stanley Uris Lives, Trans Eddie Kaspbrak, eddie still gets hurt but it's like. for .5 seconds, i don't even know if it counts as angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24869446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcc/pseuds/kcc
Summary: hey guys i'm back with more cuddle fic series because why the fuck notI don't know if this even counts as a "cuddle fic" because there's not much cuddling?? idk. it's in the same universe as the others so i'm counting ittitle is from a thousand years by christina perri because i'm keeping with the theme of really cringey titles for these fics-kenp.s. yes the "third" one is still called cuddle fic 2: 2 cuddle 2 fic and that's because i'm dumb. also my reasoning is that this one is cuddle fic .5 because it's not really a cuddle fic
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: cuddleverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789348
Comments: 6
Kudos: 95





	darling don't be afraid

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i'm back with more cuddle fic series because why the fuck not  
> I don't know if this even counts as a "cuddle fic" because there's not much cuddling?? idk. it's in the same universe as the others so i'm counting it  
> title is from a thousand years by christina perri because i'm keeping with the theme of really cringey titles for these fics
> 
> -ken
> 
> p.s. yes the "third" one is still called cuddle fic 2: 2 cuddle 2 fic and that's because i'm dumb. also my reasoning is that this one is cuddle fic .5 because it's not really a cuddle fic

Eddie was about to open the door to his room in the Derry Townhouse when his hand froze in midair. Something was stopping him from going in, but it wasn’t It; there was a lingering thought in the back of his head telling him to  _ Keep moving, asshole. Don’t stop here, there’s somewhere else you need to be. _

He retracted his hand, pocketing the key again — an actual key, not a keycard because Derry was apparently still stuck in the 1980’s — and glanced further down the hall. He knew Richie’s room was a little ways down and that same urge to keep moving, keep walking propelled him forward until he found himself standing outside a different door, hand poised to knock.

He took a deep, steadying breath before rapping on the wood in three short bursts. He had no idea what he was doing here, he just knew there was something that compelled him to see Richie tonight, before they all went off into Derry in the morning in search of their tokens.

Before he could second-guess himself, he heard shuffling on the other side and the door was being wrenched open. And there standing on the other side of the threshold was Richie. A shirtless, damp-from-the-shower Richie wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants and looking stunned to see Eddie there.

“Hey, uh, Eds. What’re you doing here?” Richie asked, a flush creeping up his chest and neck, coloring his cheeks. Eddie was transfixed, watching as Richie squirmed under his stare.

“I-,” Eddie broke off. He had no idea why he was there. All he knew was that when he walked into the Jade earlier that night and saw Richie, something had seemed to snap into place, the world tilting on its axis, righting itself after so long. Richie was the thing he had been missing his whole life, and it felt  _ right _ as soon as they were together again.

He noticed his gaze had landed on Richie’s bare chest and flicked his eyes back up to look at him, feeling his face burn. He cleared his throat, mind racing to think of a viable reason to be here.

“I didn’t want to be alone,” is what blurted out before he even fully formed the thought. Richie’s gaze bored into his, so Eddie quickly looked away. “And everyone else went to bed, but I heard your shower going and just kind of. Started walking before I knew it, so can I please come in for a little while?” Eddie rambled on, hyper-conscious of the bright color his entire face must be. 

Richie stepped aside and waved him into the room without a word. Eddie’s shoulders sagged in relief. He hadn’t been aware of how badly he wanted Richie to let him in. He smiled tightly before walking in, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, feeling awkward and out of place. He watched as Richie grabbed two tiny bottles of beer out of the minifridge, plopping down next to Eddie and handing him one.

They sat drinking in silence for a few minutes, Eddie all-too aware of Richie’s presence, his warmth radiating over to him. Eddie wanted nothing more than to burrow his face right into Richie’s broad, hairy chest and fall asleep, but he figured he wasn’t drunk enough yet to use that as an excuse.

Finally, once they both had finished their beers and Richie had taken the bottles to the sink, he came back and stood in front of Eddie, staring down at him, his expression unreadable.

“Are you-”

“Can I-”

They both started asking at the same time. Eddie chuckled awkwardly, looking down at his lap.

“Jesus Christ, Rich. When did it get so awkward between us? It feels like talking to a stranger, but one that I know,” Eddie mumbled.

“That literally makes no sense, Eds. The whole point of a stranger is that you  _ don’t _ know them,” Richie pointed out, a small smile teasing at his mouth.

“You’re such a fucking dick, you know that?” Eddie glared up at him. “To think I actually missed hanging out with you. I hate you so much.”

“No you don’t.” Richie was fully grinning now.

“No, I don’t,” Eddie sighed. He wasn’t sure what it was about Richie, but he was always able to rile him up so easily, get him angry and ranting like it was his job, but Eddie  _ liked _ it. He liked it when Richie’s attention was on him, bickering back and forth. It was familiar and comforting and Eddie wasn’t sure how he had gone this long without it in his life.

He took a deep breath, steadying himself for what he was going to ask, bracing for rejection.

“Can I- um. Can I, maybe, stay here tonight?” Richie sucked in a breath. Eddie fidgeted with the zipper of his hoodie, unable to look at him to see his reaction. “I just. I really don’t sleep well when I’m alone. And I can sleep on the floor, like a sleepover when we were kids, I don’t mind! I don’t need to share a bed with you, or some shit. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” He paused for a quick breath, still not looking at Richie. In that split second of silence he started to doubt himself. Who was he to ask someone who was practically a stranger to let him stay? “Actually, ignore me. I’m just going to go back to my room. It’s okay, it was stupid of me to ask.” He stood up and took two steps before a warm hand wrapped around his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

And that’s right. This is  _ Richie, _ he’s not a stranger. They might have lived separate lives for twenty-some-odd years, but they still knew each other, deep in their bones. This was his best friend and nothing would change that.

“Stay.” Richie sounded like he was pleading, even through that one word. “You can stay here tonight, Eddie. And I’ll take the floor, it’s not a problem, just. Don’t go?” Eddie finally turned to look at him. His blue eyes were huge behind his glasses, wide and magnified and- scared-looking. Like he was afraid Eddie would leave him and not come back. Eddie felt himself nodding, wanting that fear to leave his eyes.

“Okay. I’ll stay,” Eddie replied, his voice too soft for his own liking. He broke the eye contact. “But you’re not sleeping on the floor, either. If I don’t have to, neither do you. We can’t have you fucking hobbling around trying to fight Pennywise with your back out of alignment, then you’d just be deadweight for us, dickhead.” Richie tipped his head back and cackled.

Eddie watched the column of his throat, the stubble covering it and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. Blushing Eddie, made an excuse and rushed back to his room to brush his teeth and change quickly, before Richie could change his mind.

When he walked back, the door was closed again. His heart thumped harshly in his throat. Maybe it was too late? Maybe Richie didn’t  _ actually _ want him to stay and had just agreed so he could get Eddie to leave? But then he got closer and realized it was open just slightly, enough for Eddie to be able to tell that it was intentional. Relief flooded over him as he prodded at it, stepping back inside.

He was greeted with the sight of Richie, still shirtless but now in just his boxers, laying sprawled out on one side of the bed, playing on his phone. Eddie admired the width of his shoulders, the softness of his stomach, and his  _ thighs. _

When he closed the door with a  _ click,  _ Richie jolted up, turning off his screen. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, standing up to greet Eddie.

“Let me grab a shirt, hold on,” Richie said, heading towards his suitcase.

“Don’t!” Eddie blurted out, before he could stop himself. His face warmed as Richie turned to him, eyebrows raised. “I mean, uh. You don’t have to. It doesn’t um. Bother me?”

Richie just shrugged, looking amused still. “Do you have a preference on which side? Normally I just kind of sprawl across the entire mattress, but…” Eddie shook his head, before rolling his shoulders back and strolling to the bed. Without waiting for another cue, he tucked himself right up under the blankets, snuggling deeply.

He glared over at Richie, who was just staring with — something that looked like — affection. “Well? What are you waiting for?” Richie shook his head, hiding a smile and climbed in on the other side.

Richie shuffled around for a few moments, taking off his glasses and putting them on the side table and flicking off the lamp. He settled down finally, on his side facing Eddie, eyes closed. Eddie watched him out of the corner of his eye until Richie’s breathing evened out and Eddie was sure he was asleep. Then, he rolled over onto his side, facing him, taking in the way his shoulders rose and fell with each breath. He watched Richie until he felt his own eyes drooping, and he reluctantly gave in to sleep.

When Eddie came to, the first thing he noticed was that the mattress was absurdly hot. Not uncomfortably so, it was a pleasant warmth — cozy, even. He nuzzled his face into the pillow, but it was firmer and coarser than he remembered. Frowning slightly, Eddie shifted a little, sliding his hand out from underneath his head, feeling the hair and a small little nub and-

His eyes shot open. He was greeted with the sight of Richie’s broad chest, pillowing his head. Eddie jumped, sitting up quickly. Richie blinked at him, his cheeks slightly pink, before a slow grin spread across his face.

“Mornin’, Eds. How’d ya sleep?” He didn’t even look drowsy, like he had just woken up when Eddie moved. He looked wide awake, as if he had been up for a long time and just  _ let  _ Eddie sleep on him. Eddie didn’t know what to do with that information.

And he was suddenly aware of the fact that he was now straddling Richie’s hips, his ass right over his dick. Eddie felt hot all over, his skin tingling and blood thrumming through his veins. He slid off of his lap as quickly as he could, not allowing himself to think about how comfortable Richie’s thighs were or the fact that he could feel Richie’s um. Morning wood.

“I slept fine, thank you,” Eddie snapped, embarrassment creeping up in him as he scrambled to untangle himself from the blankets. He stumbled out of bed, tripping on a corner of the sheet before righting himself. “Um. Sorry?” He couldn’t bring himself to look Richie in the eye. “We should, um. Meet up with the others. Get some breakfast. We have a long day ahead of us,” he snagged his phone off the table, checking the time. “Asshole,” he added as an afterthought, trying to maintain at least a little of his dignity before he strode from the room, heading back to his to change into fresh clothes.

Try as hard as he might, he spent the rest of the day remembering how soft and comfortable it was to wake up in Richie’s arms, even as he hovered over Richie’s unconscious form that night after he fell from the deadlights. Even as the clown-spider leg pierced his abdomen and tossed him aside.

Eddie’s last thought before he lost consciousness was that he wished he hadn’t been a coward that morning. That he hadn’t bolted before Richie could say anything.

That he had actually told Richie how he felt.

When Eddie came to for good about a week later, he took in the feeling of a large, warm, slightly sweaty hand grasping his tightly. He opened his eyes slowly, wincing at the bright, harsh hospital lighting. He squeezed them shut again, giving himself a moment to prepare before taking a chance and opening them again.

In the corner, Stan and Bev were leaning close to each other, talking quietly. Ben was looking out the window silently, a styrofoam cup in his hand. Bill and Mike were leaning against each other, dozing off on two plastic armchairs. And Richie-

Richie was the one holding his hand. His head was resting on Eddie’s hospital bed, face tilted towards Eddie, looking tense even as he slept. His hair was greasy and matted and his clothes rumpled as if he hadn’t bothered changing after that first time after Neibolt.

Groaning softly, Eddie shifted his position a little, feeling like his whole chest was stuffed full of cotton. He gave Richie’s hand a small squeeze, not quite strong enough for anything more, and brushed his thumb over the back of Richie’s knuckles. He watched Richie’s face, seeing him scrunch his nose up a little, like he could feel the movement in his sleep and  _ God. _ Eddie loved him.

He  _ loved _ him.

The realization shot through him.  _ This _ was the feeling he had been fighting since they got back to Derry. The overwhelming need for Richie to  _ look at him, pay attention to him, _ it was love.

He gasped softly, but it was loud enough to get everyone’s attention.

Richie’s head lifted in a split second, his eyes roaming all over Eddie’s face — wide, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The rest of the Losers were coming over, circling around Eddie’s bed.

“Hey, guys,” Eddie rasped out, throat scratchy from not being used in a week. Ben disappeared, coming back a second later with a small paper Dixie cup full of water. Eddie reached his free hand up, Ben helping him raise it to his lips so he could take small sips of it. Eddie could feel Richie try to take his hand away, but Eddie squeezed down hard, not letting him go. He could feel Richie’s eyes boring into the side of his head, but he was too focused on drinking the water, the cool slide of it soothing his scratchy throat.

“How are you feeling?” Bill asked from down by Eddie’s feet. Mike had an arm wrapped around his shoulders and they both looked so  _ happy _ and Eddie definitely made a mental note to ask about  _ that _ later on — hopefully he’d remember when his head wasn’t so drug-addled.

“Like a demon clown from outer space stabbed me,” Eddie replied, clearing his throat again. His head was throbbing and he was already wishing to just go back to sleep for a little while longer, but he didn’t want to miss out on Richie’s hand in his.

The others let out relieved little laughs. Looking more closely at them, Eddie could see that none of them had gotten much sleep recently; there were bags under their eyes and their clothes were wrinkled to shit.

He told them as much. “You have bags under your eyes and your clothes are wrinkled to shit,” he said, trying and failing to suppress a yawn. “Go back to the Townhouse and get some sleep, you fuckheads. I’m not going anywhere. Besides, I’m about three minutes away from passing out again, so you aren’t going to miss out on much.”

After a few more minutes of half-hearted arguing, he managed to convince the others that he wouldn’t up and die while they took a nap and they each took turns pressing a kiss to his forehead and giving him a careful hug before stepping away. The whole time he refused to let go of Richie’s hand, wanting it to last as long as possible.

Stan hovered in the doorway, the last of them to say goodbye to Eddie. “Rich, you coming?”

Richie glanced over at Eddie quickly. “Nah, I think I’ll stay here for a little while. Take up guard duty, you know?”

“I don’t need a fucking  _ bodyguard, _ Richie,” Eddie snapped. Stan gave the two of them a knowing look before waving a small little wave and shutting the door behind him.

It was just the two of them now, the only sounds the monitors keeping track of Eddie’s vitals and their breathing. After a few minutes of silence, Eddie had accepted that they were just going to go to sleep and that was that. Until Richie spoke up.

“Eds?” He breathed, voice shaky and nervous. That got Eddie’s attention. Richie was almost never nervous, so whatever it was must have been big. “Back in the cistern, when I was in the Deadlights-,” Richie looked down at their entwined hands. “I woke up and you were- you were leaning over me and. I remember how Ben- and-” He broke off.

“Rich, what are you asking me?”

Richie looked directly at Eddie now, eyes piercing through Eddie’s own. “Did you kiss me to wake me up from the Deadlights?”

Eddie gasped, taken aback. To be honest, he hadn’t remembered until the words left Richie’s mouth, but then a memory lanced through his mind: Richie, floating high up in the air; Eddie, launching the fencepost at It; Richie falling to the ground and landing hard. Eddie had run over, hunched over him. But his eyes were still white, unseeing. Heart pounding and a vague memory of Bev and Ben from twenty-seven years earlier, Eddie had followed his instincts. He had leaned down and pressed a kiss to Richie’s unresponsive lips and felt him gasp to life again.

Eddie gulped. “Yes.” Richie’s eyes blew up behind his lenses — shocked because Eddie told the truth, or shocked because it happened, Eddie couldn’t tell.

“Can I ask why?” Richie sounded so vulnerable, afraid of the answer. But Eddie wasn’t sure which one he wanted to hear: the full, unedited truth, or the bare bones of it.

He decided on the bare bones. That way, if Richie didn’t feel the same, Eddie wouldn’t be risking their friendship. “I just. I saw you lying there on the ground and I acted on impulse. I remembered Ben doing the same for Bev and figured it- it couldn’t hurt to try.” He risked a glance over at Richie again, watching as his face fell.

“Oh.” And Richie’s voice was small again, wounded and Eddie couldn’t bear it. “And that’s it? There was no other reason?”

And maybe it was all the drugs Eddie was on to manage the pain of being literally impaled, but he couldn’t take the scared, lonely look on Richie’s face any longer.

“Well, there’s that, and also the fact that I’ve been in love with you my whole life, even when I couldn’t remember you. You’re such a stubborn fucking asshole that even when I had no idea who you were, my heart belonged to you.”

Richie froze. Eddie’s heart thudded loudly in his ears, the beeping of the heart rate monitor going in time to the thrumming. Just when Eddie can’t take the silence anymore, when he’s about to break the silence again and laugh it off as a joke, Richie’s moving. He’s dropping Eddie’s hand in favor of cupping his head with both hands, tilting his face just right and then he’s kissing Eddie.

His mouth is warm and surprisingly soft, given how chapped his lips looked. Eddie’s kissing back as well as he can, still feeling exhausted to his bones. He feels Richie’s tongue prodding lightly at his lips and he gasps, his mouth opening instinctively. And Richie is instantly snaking his tongue into Eddie’s mouth, exploring, getting to know him.

Abruptly, Eddie pulls back, a hand pressed to Richie’s chest. “Rich, sweetheart, I love you but I haven’t brushed my teeth in over a week. That  _ can’t _ be pleasant for you.” Richie, who had started to look hurt at Eddie pulling away, instead smiled so brightly it rivaled the sun.

“Oh, Eddie, baby, your mouth could taste like cow manure and I could not give less of a shit.” Eddie scowled at that comparison and started to argue when Richie continued. “You  _ love _ me.” He sounded awed, like he couldn’t believe that it was actually happening. “ _ You _ love  _ me _ .”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yes, asshole we’ve established that.” And Richie surged forward again, kissing Eddie hard. “Are you just going to keep doing that?”

“Eddie, honey, I’m hoping I get to do that every day for the rest of my life.” Then he was kissing him again and again, little pecks too short for Eddie to do much more than receive. “Eds, I’ve loved you since we were kids.”

Tingles shot all the way through Eddie’s body and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the pain medication or not, but he decided he didn’t care. All that mattered was that Richie loved him back and was currently pressing kisses all around Eddie’s face. Eddie laughed, swatting lightly at Richie’s cheek.

“Richie, stop that and get over here,” Eddie whined, trying to pull Richie’s face back towards his, kissing him long and deep. He pulled back just slightly. “I love you.”

And maybe it was exhaustion catching up with him, or the emotions taking a toll, but Richie’s face crumpled, tears streaming down his face.

“Eddie,” his voice broke on the second syllable. “Eddie, I love you so goddamn much, and I thought I  _ lost _ you and I-” Richie tucked his face into Eddie’s neck, sobs wracking his body. Eddie tried hard not to flinch at the sudden weight and pressure, pain lancing through him. He hissed involuntarily, and Richie jerked back as if he’d been burned. “ _ Shit! _ I’m so sorry, honey I didn’t mean to-” Eddie pressed his palm over Richie’s mouth, silencing him.

“I’m okay. Really, don’t worry about me, love.” He glanced down at his chest, which was covered by his hospital gown. “I mean, maybe worry a little, I did get run through by a spider-clown.” Richie let out a watery laugh at that, taking Eddie’s hand in both of his again, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. Eddie smiled down at him, eyes crinkling as he took in Richie’s disheveled appearance. “You look terrible.”

Richie busted out laughing. “Wow, thanks Eds. You’re too kind to me.” He rested his chin down on the edge of the mattress, looking up at Eddie. “I haven’t slept much since…”

“I know. I heard you here almost constantly, even when I was unconscious. You’re so fucking loud I could hear you through my fucking coma.” Eddie let out another yawn, his jaw cracking. “Fuck, now  _ I’m _ tired. I think I’m gonna take a nap before the others come back.”

Richie nodded, looking a little deflated. He went to stand up, trying to take his hands away from Eddie’s, but before he could go anywhere Eddie spoke again. “Where are you going?”

“Uh. The Townhouse? Let you get some sleep without me keeping you up,” Richie tried to joke, but he looked a little like a kicked puppy.

“You didn’t keep me up.”

“But you literally  _ just _ said-”

Eddie sighed, exasperated. “I said I  _ heard _ you while I was asleep, not that you bothered me. Now get the fuck back over here and cuddle me. This IV is making my arm so fucking cold and you’re unnaturally warm.” He shifted over, making as much room as he could in the tiny hospital bed. Richie looked uncertain still, so Eddie patted the mattress impatiently and he came over, kicking off his shoes.

It took a minute to get comfortable, Eddie not being able to lay on his side with his injury and Richie being absolutely fucking massive. They ended up with Richie wrapped around Eddie like an octopus, conscious of his injuries but still trying to cover him entirely.

Eddie sighed and snuggled in closer to Richie, sapping as much body heat as he could. “Guess I’ll have another one for the collection.”

“Hmm?” Richie hummed, sounding on the verge of sleep already.

“A scar. This one will join the others on my chest.” It suddenly occurred to Eddie that Richie might not know, he might not remember that Eddie wasn’t always Eddie. But then Richie is nodding into his shoulder sleepily.

“Yeah, because you’re a fucking badass. I’m in awe of how far you’ve come. You’re  _ you _ and I love you,” Richie mumbled. “I love you more than anything.”

“I love you, too.” And Richie was asleep. Eddie’s last thought before he followed was that the Losers would come in to find quite the scene when they got back.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in one day to distract myself from the Other planned fic for this series because i suck at focusing [finger guns]


End file.
